Monday, May 25, 2015

4-11 weeks

May 25, 2015


Well, if you want to waste 40 seconds of your life, below is the video of our first ultrasound! I am telling you, it was a crazy experience. Everything was verified, there was a real human in me, and watching it wiggle around and it's heart beat so fast just made me bawl. I saw my cute little bean, and didn't really feel much emotionally until she zoomed in and I saw the rapid beating heart. I immediately became a mother in that moment. I didn't care if my child was a boy or girl anymore, absolute zero preference, and I knew that I would do anything to protect and care for that little child. Life meant so much in that moment, and I my role as a mother so much more important. Watching my baby safe and sound, cozy in my womb, really made me think that I better have a darn good reason to bring a life out of my womb and into this crazy world. 

Right after getting out of our appointment, a day after to be exact, I lost all my symptoms. My boobs no longer hurt, I was no longer nauseous all day, my bloating had gone down, and I had more energy for my husband. This terrified me. I was still constipated as heck, but the loss of all other symptoms shot me right back to my miscarriages. I was terrified. Was I going to lose this little life that I suddenly became so attached to? All friends and acquaintances I knew never experienced such nausea as me (oh it was horrible!) and therefore didn't provide much advice on the issue. 

Well, after about a week of nothing, I started getting a few bouts of nausea, and my uterus cramping is back a bit, too. I feel hopeful! Even more hopeful when I see that my belly grew that week, even though the bloating went down, so baby is still growing in there!

How horrible that a week of pure bliss (i.e. no nausea) turned out to be the most stressful week ever. I was living in fear of losing my baby. I have 17 more days until my next ultrasound so fingers crossed that I see a moving, growing baby in there! Trying to remain calm and enjoy moments in life despite the unknown.

Baby Nash in my belly!

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